How do you know what to do when someone you love is dying? Losing someone you love is one of the hardest experiences you will ever go through. When that time comes, please remember that you are not alone. The most important piece of advice we can give you about what to do when someone you love is dying is to take your cues from your loved one. Listen to them. Perhaps they want to talk about it; perhaps they don’t. Maybe they want to spend every moment they have left living life to the fullest; perhaps they want to spend their time surrounded by the people, things and animals that they love. How we respond to death is influenced by our own life experiences and beliefs around death – everyone responds differently. We encourage families to have conversations about death and what their final wishes are long before that time comes. Often we find that people who are dying want to talk about it, but they are worried about upsetting the people that they love. They may worry if they talk about their impending death that their loved ones will worry they have given up hope. While these conversations can indeed be difficult, it’s important to allow these discussions to happen and can be a valuable experience for both you and your loved ones. When someone you love is dying, their needs and wishes must be respected and come first. It can be easy to get swept up in your own emotions, but it is vital that everyone involved remembers that it is the person dying who should remain at the centre of all conversations and actions. If someone you love is dying, you might not feel prepared or ready for them to go. Please know that this is normal, and support services are available to help you during this time. Disease related charities such as the Cancer Council, or your local hospital’s palliative care team will be able to give you guidance and support during this time, not only about how to look after the person in your care, but also about how to look after yourself. If you’ve never lost someone close to you before, being around someone who is dying can be a frightening experience – if you feel this, it’s important to realise that it’s normal, and not to be ashamed of your fears and feelings. We suggest that you learn what to expect in the days, weeks and months ahead to allow you to ease your fear and confusion. Doing so will also help you to plan for the journey you and the person you care about are to go on together, and for the feelings and experiences that will happen during this time. Talking with someone who is dying We understand that talking with someone who is dying can be frightening. It’s normal to feel anxious, especially if the person is someone you love. Virtalhospice.ca suggests letting the person know that you are … Read More
What is the Death Positive Movement?
Have you ever heard of the Death Positive Movement? If not, you’re definitely not alone. You might be sat here reading this and scratching your head about what on earth we’re on about, so in this blog post we’ll explain to you what the death positive movement all about and why it could be helpful. So what’s it about? The death positive movement is based on the belief that by not talking about dying and death openly, we are doing our society more harm than good. And let’s face it – death isn’t a topic that usually randomly pops up in day to day conversation, is it? In contrast, people don’t like to talk about death. We all die, but to talk about that and face up to the truth of the matter is deeply uncomfortable for most people, so we keep it behind closed doors, we stuff our fear of death into a deep, dark box and hide it away, never to be discussed willingly again. What do you think about death? When you think of the word death, what words, thoughts and feelings come up? Many people say fear, macabre, cancer, pain, grief… you get the picture. Whatever came up for you, I’m willing to bet that there were little or no comfortable associations. The death positive movement’s purpose is to help to change this. It encourages to talk freely and openly about death, to recognise that talking about death is healthy and even normal, and to lift the taboos around discussing death. According to UrnsOnline.com, “This might include frank discussions about the process of dying, what happens to bodies after death, death rituals and traditions, and options for burial, funerals, and body disposition.” What’s the point of death positivity? Talking openly, with honesty and thought about death, we can help to reduce or even eliminate the fear around death and dying. This, in turn, helps us to make truly informed and satisfying choices around the end of life. It doesn’t just have to be about talking, either. The Death Positive movement encourages us to explore the emotions and fears attached to death through discussion, yes, but also through movement, art, innovation and deliberate learning. Despite what society tells us, it’s not morbid to talk and think about death. We all die one day, none of us are immortal (however if you have unlocked the secret to this, then send it our way! 😉) and it is natural and human to be curious about dying and death. It’s not something we should be hiding away, but rather we should be embracing and satisfying that curiosity, so when the time comes you feel empowered in your own choices either for your own end of life of that of someone you love. What role can funeral directors play in the Death Positive Movement? Funeral directors and funeral homes like us have a role to play in this shifting of attitudes, too. Focussing on family centred funerals, allowing for open and … Read More
What are the 7 stages of grief?
Grief isn’t just about death. We grieve many things – the loss of a loved one, the death of a pet, relationship breakdowns and divorce, imprisonment, injury or illness, losing a job… the list goes on. In fact, the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale details 43 life events that can cause us to grieve. Knowing what are the 7 stages of grief is useful, because everyone goes through periods of grief in life. Note that there are also models where there are 5 stages of grief – both are useful. Having an awareness of the 7 stages of grief won’t stop you from grieving in a stressful situation, but seeing as the way we grieve might not always feel like it makes sense, it might help you to understand where you’re at, and why. We all experience grief differently – you might feel scared, angry, you may cry, or you might feel none of these. While grief isn’t linear, there generally is a pattern to the process of grieving. To begin with we need to know exactly what grief is. According to the Grief Recovery Method, “Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” Remember, if you’re grieving, it’s okay to feel what you are feeling, and it’s okay to reach out for help and support if you feel like you need it. You’re not alone. Scroll to the bottom of this articles for a list of places that can help you. Shock and denial This is the beginning of the grieving process. Something lifechanging has happened, be it the death of a loved, a divorce, foreclosure on your home, a change in health or something else. You might feel numb and struggle to believe what has happened. Pain and guilt This is where you might feel like the loss or change is unbearable. You might feel guilty about what has happened, or because you feel that you are a burden to others at this time. Anger and bargaining At this point you might feel angry, and lash out or have outbursts of anger. You might also bargain with god or another higher power that if they just rectify the situation, you will do anything they ask, you are desperate for them to relieve the feelings you are experiencing. Depression This can often present as a period of reflection and withdrawal. You may feel lonely and isolated. Remember, you are not alone and it’s okay to ask for help. The upward turn You may feel that you are in a calmer and more relaxed state as the feelings of pain and anger start to subside. Reconstruction and working through At this point, you will start to feel like you can begin to put the pieces of your life back together and move forward. That isn’t to say you won’t still experience moments of sadness, but you feel you can now start to put one foot in front of the other and look … Read More
How to write a moving eulogy
When you lose someone you love, writing and giving their eulogy is a huge honour, but it’s also a huge responsibility. If you have been asked to write a eulogy but you aren’t sure where to start, don’t worry because we’ve got you covered. In this blog post, we will talk you through how to write a moving eulogy, pitfalls to watch out for, and we will arm you with tips for getting through giving the eulogy you write on the day of your loved one’s funeral. Let’s start with the basics. What is a eulogy? Simply put, a eulogy is a spoken tribute to someone who has passed away, given at their funeral or memorial service. There are no hard and fast rules as to who should give the eulogy at a funeral. The eulogy can be given by a spouse, son or daughter, grandchild, sibling or even a friend. It may fall to you by default, you may be asked to give the eulogy, or you might even volunteer to step up. What makes a good eulogy? There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to how to write a moving eulogy, but all eulogies have one thing in common; they are a final farewell and celebration of the life of the person who has passed away. A good eulogy will capture the essence of the deceased and bring them back to life in the minds of the audience, almost like they are in the room with you all. It is heartfelt, meaningful and honest. The average eulogy is 3 – 5 minutes long, and written with both the deceased person and the audience in mind. Keep the tone conversational – you are celebrating your loved one’s life and conversing with a room full of friends. There is no need for big words or grand statements. How do I start writing a eulogy? Getting started can be difficult, but it’s important not to leave writing the eulogy to the last minute. Start by considering the person you are writing about and brainstorming. Note down what kind of person they were, who their family is (spouse, sons, daughters, grandchildren, siblings etc) and who they are survived by. What was your loved one known for? Think of specific examples that characterise this. For example, if your loved one was known for their kindness, share a specific example of a time they demonstrated this. If they were known for their wicked sense of humour, think of something funny they did such as a particularly good April Fool’s prank! Decide on the tone of the eulogy you want to deliver. Remember, a eulogy doesn’t have to be sad and mournful. Depending on the person it is celebrating, it could have elements of humour or be uplifting and inspiring as well as being sad. Now it’s time to start writing. If the officiant does not introduce you, ensure you start by introducing yourself and explain your link to the deceased person. … Read More
Pre-planning your own funeral
Pre-planning your own funeral has become increasingly popular in recent years. In this article, we will explore why you may choose to pre plan your own funeral and what is involved. Why should you plan your own funeral? There are many advantages to planning your own funeral. Perhaps the biggest advantage of pre planning your own funeral is that doing so allows you to ensure that your wishes around the way your life is celebrated are respected. You are able to choose whether you are buried or cremated, whether or not your ceremony is religious and the type of coffin you will be laid to rest in, along with a host of other important details of your final farewell. You can design your service to be exactly as you wish, setting the tone for the celebration of your life with your own choice of music, songs, readings and even the dress code. By preplanning your funeral, you get to be remembered the way you wish to be. Another important advantage of having a pre-arranged funeral is that if you pre-pay for your own funeral, your loved ones are spared the stress of making arrangements in what is usually a matter of days, and paying what can add up to a large sum of money. The people you love the most will be freed of the burden of financial stress and able to grieve their loss without added worry. Finally, having a pre arranged funeral means that at any time you can change your mind about what you want. Perhaps you plan to be buried, you pre-arrange your funeral and then a few years later you decide you’d rather be cremated; that’s okay! It’s as simple as contacting us to let us know of your change of preferences. Is it weird to plan your own funeral? In short, absolutely not! In fact, planning your funeral is a final and loving gift you leave behind, easing the burden on your family of planning and paying for a funeral. In fact, more and more people are choosing to pre-pay and pre-arrange their own funeral because they don’t want their family to have additional worry and stress when they pass away. How do you pre plan your own funeral? The first step to pre-arranging your own funeral is establishing what your wishes are around the end of your life. There can be a lot to consider that you may not have thought of, so if you haven’t already, click here to read our blog post about final wishes, and download our free Final Wishes Planner to help you. Once you have established what your end of life wishes are, the next step is to get in touch with us. Childers-Woodgate Funeral Services offers pre-arranged pre-paid funerals in conjunction with Bundaberg based company Flexible Funeral Benefits Pty Ltd. To read their brochure, click here. Our friendly team will be happy to answer any questions you may have, and will walk you through the process of … Read More