Question: Is it normal to worry about someone I love dying? Answer: Yes, however if you are worrying so much that it is negatively impacting your life, then we would encourage you to reach out for help to deal with this anxiety which, for some people, becomes a genuine phobia. Read on for more information. Wondering whether it is normal to worry about someone you love dying is a topic that comes up often. It’s the type of worry that no-one is immune to, yet so many of us hide our fears, concerned that it might not be normal to feel the fear and anxiety around loss that we do. It’s also common to fear death in general, and to fear your own death and leaving behind those you love. Sometimes, this fear can become a serious and debilitating phobia – Thanatophobia. In this article, our focus is on fearing the death of a loved one. This kind of anxiety falls into two different categories, and they both require very different approaches so let’s start by identifying the two. According to psychology today, this kind of fear either focusses on worry when a loved one is at a higher than usual risk of death, for example, if they have been diagnosed with cancer or a terminal illness. However, you can also feel fear and anxiety about a loved one dying, even though they are not at any particular risk for dying. Despite that, you might not be able to stop worrying about it. Let’s discuss the first scenario around death-based anxiety first. Psychologist, Jade Wu, points out that knowing death is inevitable and actually accepting it are two very different things, and one does not necessarily lead to the other. If you’re facing a situation where someone you love is dying, it’s important to allow yourself to feel the full range of grief. It’s when it becomes paralyzing that it is a problem and you should consider seeking support. Signs of this include an inability to enjoy the time you have with them now because you’re so focused on their death and being unable to manage basic day to day life and self-care. To help, Dr Wu suggests “climbing down the what if tree”. “The what-if tree has a sturdy trunk with strong roots at the bottom—that’s the present moment,” she writes. “It’s safe there; you feel grounded. As you climb the what-if tree, with each branching what-if scenario the branches get thinner and your footing gets shakier. This place poses more of a risk. At some point, it’s not useful to think that far ahead.” That doesn’t mean putting off important topics like decisions around medical and end of life care, however, setting aside time to address your to do list rather than allowing it to become all-encompassing can be helpful. It’s also important not to avoid having conversations about death. Over the past year, we’ve published several blog posts around how to discuss death and these can offer … Read More
What’s it like to be a funeral director?
When I tell people that I work for a funeral director, I’m always fascinated by the different responses I get. Your job is something that comes up in conversation frequently and so I have had a lot of time to ponder how people react and why. Recently I went to a new hairdresser. She asked me, “So, what do you do for a living?”. Me: “I work for a funeral director.” Her: “Oh…” There is no one typical response when you tell someone you work in the funeral business. Some people, like my new hairdresser, fall into an awkward silence before trying desperately to change the subject. Others crack jokes, some of which are actually pretty funny, and some I have heard a million times before (like working in the ‘dead centre’ of town). Other people are genuinely interested about what I do and why, while others ask questions about death and the supernatural, or what my beliefs are about what happens when we die (I try to navigate around the latter question as tactfully as possible). On the whole, people are fascinated, even if it makes them feel a bit awkward. A lot of people think that making a living out of death is a bit morbid, but honestly, most people I talk to have an immense curiosity about what it is like to be a funeral director, too. The thing is, death is a part of life. We all die. Now, I’m not a funeral director. Yes, I work for a funeral business, but I’m the marketing manager! That’s not to say that I don’t deal with the death side of the business – I do. I occasionally attend funerals, speak with grieving families, hand over the ashes of lost loved ones who have been cremated, and being involved in funeral arrangements is not out of the question if needed. Of course, I could just tell people that I work in marketing, but I find the different responses I get fascinating, and it often leads to me wondering why people are so uncomfortable with the idea of an individual or company that makes a living out of death when so many of them are curious about what it is we do. A question that we get asked a lot is how do we cope with death all day, every day? It goes without saying that working as a funeral director can be emotionally challenging, and serving small, regional communities undoubtedly plays a role in this. Everyone knows everyone else in small towns, so it’s inevitable that sometimes we will have personal relationships in some form or another with the deceased people that come into our care. There are times where we are forced to confront our own mortality, too, particularly when we are caring for someone who has died in very tragic circumstances and their loved ones. There is a flipside, though. As funeral directors, our whole team feels deeply privileged to do what we do. To be … Read More
From death to funeral – what happens when someone dies
Losing someone you love is arguably one of the most difficult and overwhelming times of your life. Whether their death is expected or not, it is inevitably still a shock. Once that initial feeling passes, quite often the next feelings that arise are of overwhelm, and the question “what do I do now?”. Childers Woodgate Funeral Services is here to help, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. If the death was expected, it may be that funeral arrangements have already been started. Once you notify us of the passing of your loved one, we will proceed with plans in place. If not, then we will walk you through the process, you just need to call us to get started. During our initial conversation with you, we will make arrangements to transfer the body of your loved one into our care, and we will make arrangements for an initial meeting with you either at your home or at our offices. Both of these things usually take place within the first 24 hours after the death. Please rest assured that your loved one will be treated with the utmost respect and dignity while in our care. What does the funeral director do? As funeral directors, our job is to do everything we can to ease the stress on the loved ones of the deceased. We will arrange for the body to be transferred into our care, even if your loved one has passed away out of town, in a different state or overseas. We will consult with you to ensure that the wishes of your loved ones are respected and their life celebrated as they wished. We will liaise with the cemetery or crematorium on your behalf, organise the service, liaise with the celebrant or clergy, work with florists, make all necessary arrangements with the church, chapel or venue of your choice, register the death of your loved one, collect the relevant medical paperwork and dispatch as necessary, supply the hearse, collect floral and other tributes on your behalf, prepare the deceased for viewing, organise any required advertising, source music for the service, prepare slideshows if required and provide memorial attendance books for friends and family to sign. We can also refer you to grief counselling services if you feel this would be beneficial. Our initial meeting Our initial meeting with you will most likely last approximately one hour, and during this time we will help you to make a number of decisions relating to the funeral. We will also help you with the paperwork to register the death, which we will submit on your behalf. Births, Deaths and Marriages will issue the death certificate to you directly. During our meeting, we will work through our About the Funeral booklet, which will record decisions that will help us to plan the funeral. This will take into consideration things such as: Where the funeral will take place Whether a celebrant or religious clergy will officiate the service Personalisation of the service … Read More