How do you know what to do when someone you love is dying? Losing someone you love is one of the hardest experiences you will ever go through. When that time comes, please remember that you are not alone. The most important piece of advice we can give you about what to do when someone you love is dying is to take your cues from your loved one. Listen to them. Perhaps they want to talk about it; perhaps they don’t. Maybe they want to spend every moment they have left living life to the fullest; perhaps they want to spend their time surrounded by the people, things and animals that they love. How we respond to death is influenced by our own life experiences and beliefs around death – everyone responds differently. We encourage families to have conversations about death and what their final wishes are long before that time comes. Often we find that people who are dying want to talk about it, but they are worried about upsetting the people that they love. They may worry if they talk about their impending death that their loved ones will worry they have given up hope. While these conversations can indeed be difficult, it’s important to allow these discussions to happen and can be a valuable experience for both you and your loved ones. When someone you love is dying, their needs and wishes must be respected and come first. It can be easy to get swept up in your own emotions, but it is vital that everyone involved remembers that it is the person dying who should remain at the centre of all conversations and actions. If someone you love is dying, you might not feel prepared or ready for them to go. Please know that this is normal, and support services are available to help you during this time. Disease related charities such as the Cancer Council, or your local hospital’s palliative care team will be able to give you guidance and support during this time, not only about how to look after the person in your care, but also about how to look after yourself. If you’ve never lost someone close to you before, being around someone who is dying can be a frightening experience – if you feel this, it’s important to realise that it’s normal, and not to be ashamed of your fears and feelings. We suggest that you learn what to expect in the days, weeks and months ahead to allow you to ease your fear and confusion. Doing so will also help you to plan for the journey you and the person you care about are to go on together, and for the feelings and experiences that will happen during this time. Talking with someone who is dying We understand that talking with someone who is dying can be frightening. It’s normal to feel anxious, especially if the person is someone you love. Virtalhospice.ca suggests letting the person know that you are … Read More
Books about dying, death and grief: A reading list
It might sound morbid to actively seek out information on death and dying, but as humans whether we want to or not, we do dwell on death. Believe it or not, reading about dying can actually be a very helpful and practical activity that serves a range of purposes. Reading about death can help us through different stages of the grieving process, can help us face our fears about dying and can also be useful when you or a loved one have been diagnosed with a terminal illness. It’s easy to sweep the topic of death under the carpet until you lose someone you love or you are faced with a terminal diagnosis yourself, but we encourage you to read your way around your questions and fears. There are literally thousands of books out there on the topic of death and dying, but here we’ve put together a small reading list (in no particular order) of some of what is available out there for you. Ultimately, you have to do what works for you, but we hope that this article provides some guidance in a useful direction. We’ve also included some books to help children understand death at the end of this article. Surviving the Tsunami of Grief – Katrina Taee and Wendelien McNicoll “An illustrated and oral guide to grief, for those who are grieving and their families and friends who are supporting them. It offers guidance, wisdom and hope for the longer bereavement journey. The last three chapters suggest ways people can help those who grieve and offers practical and useful suggestions to support them.” With the end in Mind – Dr Kathryn Mannix “How should we think of death and how can we prepare for it? With the End in Mind is a book for us all: the grieving and bereaved, the ill and the healthy. By turns touching and tragic, funny and wise, it tells powerful human stories of life and death… A powerful and emotional book based on a lifetime’s clinical experience, With the End in Mind offers calm, wise advice on how to face death, live fully and find a model for hope in dark times.” Outside the Box – Liz Rothschild “We live in a society where people struggle to look death in the eye. Death has become the territory of professionals and we rarely see a dead body, unless it is someone very close to us. Death has become hidden, and so more traumatic. This book shows that, if we start talking openly about death, it can change the way we live. In it, people from all walks of life share their experiences and what they have learned from accompanying others. Heartbreaking, angry, questioning and contradictory – even laugh-aloud funny – the stories illuminate, inspire, reassure and inform. They are accompanied by advice and comment from professionals working in end-of-life planning, health, bereavement and funeral care.” Undying – Michael Faber “In Undying Michel Faber honours the memory of his wife, who died after a … Read More